Three of the hardest phrases to say are so simple. One consists of 8 letters – I love you. Those three words are sometimes the hardest to say, especially when your pride is in the way. Say for example you and your husband are fighting and you are so upset, and you go to bed without saying I love you. Perhaps that may start to breed some resentment and could lead to something even worse than a fight. Another phrase is made up of only 5 letters – I care. Even in the middle of that same fight, you may forget that your spouse really cares about you. One of you may forget to say “I care but I’m upset right now.” How quickly could a fight or misunderstanding turn itself around if we just remembered to show another person that we care?
The third phrase is rough, it’s really hard to put one’s pride to the said and simple say 7 letters? Today I had to face myself in the mirror and realize that almost four years ago I messed up. I threw a friendship in the trash because of something so petty. The details of what happened seriously don’t matter because that’s how pointless it was. I let my pride keep me from apologizing and from keeping that friendship. This woman who had became a sister to me betrayed me and left me feeling alone on one of the most important days of my life, why should I ever talk to her again? That’s exactly what has ran through my mind every single day ever since. Why is it so hard to just apologize? It only takes a combination of seven letters to say “I’m sorry.” And those letters can have a huge impact on any situation. So while walking to class, tears freely flowing I sent this woman who meant so much to me an apology. It seriously sounded like a bad love letter asking for forgiveness… but it’s what I felt and in truth it was a declaration of my sisterly love for her. It was an admission of how much I messed up, how I burned a bridge, and my regret for everything. I can’t go back in time as much as I want to and change things. But maybe now she will know that I now know how sorry I am for throwing something so precious away. Perhaps that’s why I keep myself away from others so that I don’t have an opportunity to mess up another friendship.
I also had to apologize to the woman who gave birth to me, for getting upset over something petty. My mother is such a strong woman and I wish I could be more like her. I look at my own girls and hope that I’m not messing them up. I wish I could be half the mother that my own is. Perhaps the first step to getting there is knowing when to apologize. Maybe someday I won’t be fumbling around in the dark, alone, trying to make everything perfect. Maybe that’s the next step is realizing and accepting that not everything is perfect. Beauty comes from imperfection and extraordinary right?
I suppose that today I learned to never be afraid to apologize. Never be afraid to love and care. Keep the ones you love close, remind them you always care, and in the off chance something goes south apologize with everything you have.